I was jailed from the past. Inhibitions and fears, all coming out of my grasp. All those gloomy nights that haunted me all calmed while the sun is all ablaze; bringing clarity to the entirety of this new world that I am in. He, who was jailed from his past… no longer in hazed. He, who was circling through in the superiority of his vagueness, now saw a beam of light illuminating his eyes full of hope. Astounded my heart was, their masks were undressed; bringing life to its staleness. Rotten memories and blurred faces must be buried, because it's all useless now.
I woke up feeling a breeze through me, embracing the hollowness in me. The breeze wasn’t soothing nor was it calming. The air that hugged my weary body and soul only told me one thing. I woke up with a hole inside my heart. I stared blankly to the sky – daydreaming. I held my mind and I squeezed it real tight, abusing my sanity with just one question. Why can’t I find the beauty in it that people can see?
I have been living in a dark and gloomy part of the world that it’s hard to pinpoint the real meaning of beauty. Amidst confusion I found myself living in solitude. Living in a world I had drawn where my only friends are pen and paper. But while I'm caught in the middle of confusion and desertion, an angel passed by. I felt her presence. It was chilling and captivating. That very moment was like a heavy rain washing away all the loneliness in a desert that was feeling the thirst for just one glance of her beauty. For the very first time we laid our eyes on each other. Looking at me, looking at her. She smiled as she passed by; her soft pristine hair waving, as if it was dancing with the air. My heart was rejoicing. My heart was rejuvenated. My mind was revitalized.
After a year of stolen glances, joyous moments and sweet smiles, up to now, I can't believe that that angel will be beside me. Close together that I tend to be overwhelm with her beauty and with her gracefulness; those eyes, those lips and her kindness. She's got her halo and wings but she's the one who stole my clarity and crushed my sanity. But she's an angel for sure; she just can't stop boggling me. Her beauty is like a fire that hurts my eyes; my eyes can't take the flame.
By the minute, there is something inside me that is growing even deeper. My heart found itself in agony and let out a wail of frustration. I can't let go of the thought of her. But I very well knew that I shouldn't give what my heart wants; what my heart needs. I don't want bridges to be burned. I don't want friendship to deteriorate. I’m afraid that she’ll spread her wings and leave me hanging if I confess my feelings. I don’t want her to leave. I want her by my side while I try to hide my feelings and ignore it. It’s the only thing that I could think of for her to stay. I was drawn with her presence, her beauty and with this thing beating inside me.
Part of me wants to rip my lungs out by shouting how much I adore and love her. But part of me wants to shut it down and leave my love deserted and wait for it to rot. That’s how much I care for her. That’s how much I want her to stay, that it’s okay for me to see her flying gracefully, even while beside the other guy who holds her heart. I can wait; even if it takes a lot of suffering, dagger-like words thrown at me and searing look burning right through my soul.
She has woken up that little part of my heart that has been in hiatus for so many years. I felt it. I felt love.
